Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Life hurts.  That's all there is to it.  It's not easy and it's not always fun.  Of course, there are times when it has you dancing around to Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.  Other times it leaves you standing in the rain, blue eyes crying with Willie Nelson.  Part of its charm is its unpredictable nature.

The past few months have not been the sunshiny type.  But I'm seeing some rays break through.  I'm taking a Chinese proficiency test this Sunday, and my friend was over helping me study this morning, when we got to talking about the holidays.  She asked if I was going to invite people over for Christmas, which has become a daily question lately.  I don't really know how to explain how difficult the holidays are going to be for me this year.  They suck.  I wish they weren't happening.  No I'm not inviting my friends over, because I don't want to see anyone.  I'm probably going to be in my room with the door shut, and if I'm not then I'm going to be a groucho extraordinaire.  Which I don't really want to subject my friends to.  Rather than looking at me as if I have some kind of disease when I told her I didn't really want to throw a party that day, she was remarkably understanding.  See, her brother died suddenly a few years ago and she said that the first Spring Festival without him was awful.  She hated it.  She said it took her a year and a half to be able to talk about him without crying.  At least I know I'm normal.  It was really nice to talk to her and realize that I'm not crazy.  That it would be weird if I didn't feel like that.  A lot of my friends around here react to crying with the following encouragement, "Don't be sad.  Tomorrow is another day.  You can do it!"  Which usually produces the opposite reaction from what they intended, by inspiring in me a sudden urge to punch someone.

So the point of all this rambling is, I'm really grateful for my friends.  I have the best ones.  And I'd like to thank our Father for blessing me with the right people at the right time.  He knows I need them.  The end.

Obama in China!

http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/video/china-town-hall

Matthew 19

Poverty

is so hard to see

when it's only on your TV

or 20 miles across town

Where we're all living so good

that we moved out of Jesus' neighborhood

where he's hungry and not feeling so good

from going through our trash.

He says, More than just your cash and coin

I want your time

I want your voice

I want the things you just can't give me

So what must we do?

Here in the West we want to follow you

We speak the language and we keep all the rules

Even a few we made up

Come on and follow me

Sell your house, sell your SUV

Sell your stocks, sell your security

and give it to the poor.

Well what is this?

Hey what's the deal?

I don't sleep around and I don't steal

I want the things you just can't give me.

Because what you do to the least of these

My brothers you have done it to me

Because I want the things you just can't give me

"Perhaps there is no more dangerous place for a Christian to be than in safety and comfort, detached from the suffering of others."
-Jesus for President

brilliant propaganda

anyway

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love em anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway

"The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway."

-Mother Teresa's wall in Kolkata

the life you can save

I tend to irrationally think that marketing is of the devil: convincing people to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like. But an idea has been nagging at me recently that it can be an incredible tool for something besides consumerism. I'll let you read Nicholas Kristof's opinion about improving the world. Part of me is wishing I'd studied marketing in school instead of the waste of time I did study for 4 1/2 years. But who knows maybe I'll find a worthy use of knowing how to fluff pillows someday.

All jesting aside, the gist of the article [in case you don't feel like reading it] is that several countries are disturbingly far behind in meeting humanitarian aid pledges, and he proceeds to explore the reason we are so willing to save people we can see and recognize but remain coldly indifferent to the suffering of people far away. Kristof deplores how poorly aid groups advertise, "Any brand of toothpaste is peddled with far more sophistication than the life-saving work of aid group."

The problem seems to be that the more people die, the less we care. For example, in one study, people donate generously to Rokia, a 7-year-old malnourished African girl. But when Rokia’s plight was explained as part of a larger context of hunger in Africa, people were much less willing to help.

Anyway I could continue to give you a breakdown of the article but I'd rather encourage you to read it yourself.

I stumbled across your picture today

I could barely breathe

the moment stopped me cold and grabbed me like a thief

I dialed your number but you wouldn't be there

I knew the whole time but it's still not fair

I just wanted to hear your voice

I just needed to hear your voice

What do I do with all I need to say

so much I want to tell you every day

though it breaks my heart

I cry these tears in the dark

I write these letters to you but they get lost in the blue

cause there's no address in the stars

This is a test

This is a test to see if I can actually post a blog via email, and also plagiarize my sister.  She sent me this conversation she overheard between one of her friends and an Aussie.  So if this works and you read it please comment so I'll know it worked :)

Chao - I'm looking for a job.
Anonymous lady - Have you applied in a computer shop?
Chao (looking confused) - No, I applied at McDonald's.
lady - But aren't you good at fixing computers and things?
Chao - Um, I can fix my computer when it breaks.
lady - Can't you just tell people what's wrong with their computers and things?Aren't you really tech savvy?
Chao - No, I've never had any training with that.
lady - Well it seems like there are always Asians in computer shops.  You could probably get a job at a computer shop because you're Asian.  Why don't you go apply at one of those?

Now, I'm aware that some things in Asian cultures seem silly and irrational to Westerners.  For instance, in some cultures, when you're born, you're considered 1 year old.  

For anyone who is looking to make friends with someone from an Asian culture, let me just tell you that it is at least 3 times more ridiculous to try and change 2 students' minds on the subject.  They did not invent their culture's methods.  So you can waste your time trying to logically prove that people aren't one year old until they've lived 12 months outside the womb, but really, what are you accomplishing? 

You're succeeding in criticizing something that they can't help.  You're making them feel foolish.  You're probably offending them.  Besides that, let's entertain the notion that it's not as ridiculous as first appearances suggest.  Perhaps they start counting from conception.  Perhaps they use the number as "in the first year of life" rather than "has lived one year."

I'm not an expert on cross-cultural relationships, but I know one or two ways NOT to show care.

Love, peace, and pineapples

I just finished reading The Five Love Languages and I really liked it.  It's not anything he said was earth-shattering or even new--but a light bulb went on in my head and now I can see things that were vague shadows before.

I've known for a long time that I love spending time with people.  That the most mundane activities can become the highlight of my day when shared with someone I enjoy being around.  I just wasn't quite aware how vital quality time (and quality conversations) were to my sanity.

Dr. Chapman uses the metaphor of a "love tank" to illustrate how one feels at a particular time.  If your love tank is empty it can radically affect your entire outlook and happiness.

I don't like to admit it but I struggled with a hefty amount of culture shock a few months after coming here but I think I've stumbled upon the source of the difficulties.  The other Americans here were often busy and I rarely saw them, but my Chinese friendships were still too new to be deep--and growth hindered by cultural/communicative differences made them develop slowly.  I almost never got the chance to sit down and have a conversation more meaningful than, "Are you used to the climate here?" or, "Do you want a Chinese boyfriend?"  It felt like I was missing some part of my heart I didn't even know I needed.

Thankfully after five or six months I did develop some close friendships which have meant the world to me.  And more of them are feeling natural every day.  I have a lot to be thankful for.

"If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem.  Love and peace are eternal."

-John Lennon

孩子

I had a conversation tonight that just left me puzzled and smoldering with hidden anger over the injustice.  Now I don't plan to have kids so maybe I can't understand the kind of boy-fervor that seems to possess otherwise rational people at childbearing time.  Can someone please explain to me why having a son is better than having a daughter?

In a country where there is already a significantly greater number of boys than girls, it seems to me to be approaching foolishness to wish for a boy and be upset over having a girl.

This sweet, beautiful girl came over for dinner tonight and as we chatted she told me that she has 4 cousins who hate her.  I couldn't understand why they would feel that way so she explained.  The day she was born, her grandfather was so upset when he heard that she was a girl instead of a boy, that he had a heart attack and died.  Now her aunts feel as though it is her fault that she died, and have hated her since the day of her birth.  Naturally they passed those feelings on to her cousins.  Her own father even told her that if she had been a boy her grandfather would still be alive.

Has anyone besides me considered the fact that it's his own stinkin fault for wanting a boy so badly that he would get that upset about it?  I mean who has a heart attack about the birth of a new child?  I simply cannot grasp the reason behind the obsession.  I was just reading an article about the trafficking of stolen boys, especially in the South, where she is from.  People who have a daughter and the required sterilization are so desperate for a son that they buy them--from a kidnapper.

I just don't get it.

爱

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers... of love is Hell.

-C.S. Lewis

Check this out!

Either Google is ingenious or really stupid, we're about to find out. Check out this article. There are some great things about living in China.

Hunger

I’m pretty hungry right now, so maybe that’s why I’m thinking about this topic.  I ate from snack street on my way to Chinese class but apparently I didn’t get enough food.  Then I got back to my apartment (which I don’t have to pay for) and got on my laptop (which I often complain about) to read the New York Times and read about how an estimated 22 more children will die per hour this year, due to the ‘global financial crisis.’

Suppose I hadn’t eaten any dinner tonight, and you were sitting next to me with a steak, mashed potatoes, bread, and salad.  You would never finish all the food on your plate there is so much.  If the only way I was going to get anything to eat for dinner is if you shared, would you?  I like to assume the best in most people so I tend to think most of you would share.

These are some old statistics but I think they’re pretty relevant today, regardless of the exact number.

400 million people lack the calories, protein, vitamins and minerals needed to sustain their bodies and minds in a healthy state.  Millions are constantly hungry; others suffer from deficiency diseases and from infections they would be able to resist on a better diet.  14 million children under five die every year from the combined effects of malnutrition and infection.  As many as 1.2 billion people—or 23 percent of the world’s population—live in absolute poverty struggling to survive.  This means they do not have sufficient income to meet the most basic biological needs for food, clothing, and shelter.  Absolute poverty is probably the principal cause of human misery today.  The problem is not that the world cannot produce enough to feed and shelter its people.  People in the poor countries consume, on average, 180 kilos of grain a year, while North Americans average around 900 kilos.  The problem is distribution.  There is another picture to look at.  The opposite of absolute poverty is Absolute Affluence.  Absolute Affluence is defined by people who have more income than they need to provide themselves adequately with all the basic necessities of life.  After buying food, shelter, clothing, health services, and education, they still have money to spend on luxuries.  Instead of choosing food to stop hunger, we choose food based on what tastes good.  Instead of buying clothes to keep warm, we buy them to look good.  We buy houses to be in a better neighborhood or to have a playroom, not to keep out the rain.  After all of this there is still money to spend on a stereo system, video-camera, and vacation.  By this standard the majority of citizens in Western Europe, North American, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, and the Middle Eastern states are all absolutely affluent.  There are therefore, the people who could, without threatening their own basic welfare, transfer wealth to the absolutely poor.  Americans give .15 per cent of the Gross National Product to poor nations, while spending 5.5 per cent on alcohol.

To give you an example from a philosophy book I had in college:

The path from the library at my university to the humanities lecture theatre passes a shallow ornamental pond.  Suppose that on my way to give a lecture I notice that a small child has fallen in and is in danger of drowning.  Would anyone deny that I ought to wade in and pull the child out?  This will mean getting my clothes muddy and either cancelling my lecture or delaying it until I can find something dry to change into; but compared with the avoidable death of a child this is insignificant.  It seems uncontroversial that if it is in our power to prevent something very bad from happening, without thereby sacrificing anything of comparable moral significance, we ought to do it.

Would anyone disagree with this?  I agree completely and yet I do not live as if I believe that.  If I take this seriously and act upon it my life would look completely different.  I probably will not see a child drowning in a pond but every day I can assist someone living in poverty.  I know that it is a bad thing, and it is within my power to help at least one person if not more without sacrificing anything of comparable significance.  I have an obligation to help, an obligation just as strong as the obligation to rescue a drowning child from a pond.  Not to help would be wrong.  Helping is not a charitable act that is praiseworthy to do, but it is something that everyone ought to do.

I am bringing this to your attention because I struggle with it.  I find myself buying a cup of Starbucks coffee when I could EASILY go downtown, find someone who would not eat dinner that night, and spend that 3 bucks buying them food.  Everything I own is just kindling for the end of the world barbecue anyway, so why am I trying so hard to hold onto it?  I’m bringing this to your attention so that you will hold me accountable.  What do we really NEED?  Not very much.  I’m not pointing the finger at anyone but myself.  The Bible talks about money more than almost any other subject and I think there is a reason for that.  I think Jesus meant what when he said in Matthew 19.  How can I get rid of this poison in my mind that thinks I need so many things I do not actually need?

Darfur

I don't really know what good it does for me to post this article, or for you to read it but I feel like at the very least we can care. Obviously something bigger needs to happen but we can start by hitting our knees. We can ask that brutality and hatred will someday become a thing of the past. Care to join me?

"The worst sin towards people is not to hate them, but to be indifferent toward them. Contrary to popular opinion, the opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is apathy."

-George Bernard Shaw

Dostoevsky

On a scale of zero to paradise, browsing a bookstore is even with a hot fudge sundae by a swimming pool. I get ridiculously excited every time I see a bookstore in China, and then realize that they probably have nothing I can read, and if they do it's usually some dumbed-down version that loses the beauty of the language.

If you're in a big enough city, though, you just might strike gold. To my sheer delight we found a bookstore in Hangzhou with real English books in them. When someone whose opinion I highly respect recommends a book to me, I'll definitely read it. So when we found The Brothers Karamazov for only 20 kuai I decided it was a good chance to add to my collection. You can't get a book for less than a penny a page very often.

I was really grateful I had it on our two overnight trains home. It's not what you'd call a light read, so it took me a little while to finish, and will definitely be one I read again. It's hard to keep track of all the characters at first, they seem to change so often. Probably the next time I read it I'll pick up on some things I missed the first time around. Although the story is rather dark, I really appreciated the psychological and philosophical nature of the book. It is expertly written and traslated. The book contains gems of insight into human nature. I think Dostoevsky over-emphasized some of the qualities of his characters (i.e. Alexei was rather perfect while Dmitri hardly had any redeeming qualities), but all in all he managed to capture several elements of human nature quite well.

I got the impression Dostoevsky viewed himself in each of the different characters, at different stages of his life. That could be just my own flawed opinion though. If you want to read a great novel that weaves discussions of the meaning of life and elements of humanity into the story, I highly recommend this book. It's not a mindless feel-good story though, so be prepared.

Awesomely, when I got back from Nanjing I called my sister and she mentioned she had just started reading Crime and Punishment, another masterpiece of Dostoevsky's. Neither of us have ever read one of his works before. I guess twins really do have some kind of mind connection :) I still can't feel it if you punch her though...

Favorite quote:
"For the mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. Without a concrete idea of what he is living for, man would refuse to live, would rather exterminate himself than remain on this earth..."

Bucket list and the tangents from there.

I asked my students to name five things they want to do before they die, not just because I get sadistic joy out of making them write in English, but also because I think it is vital to a person to have goals/dreams/passions. I want to teach them so much more than the English language. A person should not merely survive, but they should live. And with purpose. So I have lofty goals for the two hours a week in which I hold young minds riveted on my words. I dream of changing lives in that short time.

As I gave them the assignment I forced myself to write a list as well, so that I would hold myself to the same standard to which I held my pupils. Their answers were hilarious and nonsensical and unfortunately I think they missed the point entirely; but one of the things on my list is that I want to write a book, which I am quite sure no one but my sister will ever read. Just like this blog. Regardless of who will read it, I feel the need to write one. (Please note that I did not say "irregardless" which is NOT a word.)

Living in China provides me with almost unlimited material for a book, much more so than my boring life in the U.S. So with my mom's urging I have embarked on the difficult task of capturing my thoughts and making them intelligible to others. One of the many subjects I'd like to broach is just how much I have changed and learned during the short five months I've lived in another world. It's hard to even realize, much less explain to others, the many things that have made me different and more aware.

One of the seemingly obvious yet fundamentally important revelations has been the value of friendships. Possibly the subject has special significance for me because I've always had a best friend with me, everywhere I went and everything I did. Having a twin gives you a life-long frienship. When we decided to live on different continents, we were aware that it was going to be the hardest thing we'd ever done. So what other people do their whole lives, I did for the first time. I was alone.

All of the English-speakers I have for friends now, I met upon coming to China. (Even Zack and Elizabeth, though I knew who they were before we came, our friendship began on the plane.) I have wonderful friends who don't speak very much English, and we get along great. But there's an indefinable relaxation that comes from being able to speak the same language as someone, that boosts your friendship beyond the normal. So I said all of that in preparation for this statement:

I am deeply gateful for my friends.

Troubles

Even though the wind may blow
Troubles toss you to and fro
Get on your knees and give it time
There the answers you will find

He's gonna let you know