Darfur

I don't really know what good it does for me to post this article, or for you to read it but I feel like at the very least we can care. Obviously something bigger needs to happen but we can start by hitting our knees. We can ask that brutality and hatred will someday become a thing of the past. Care to join me?

"The worst sin towards people is not to hate them, but to be indifferent toward them. Contrary to popular opinion, the opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is apathy."

-George Bernard Shaw

Dostoevsky

On a scale of zero to paradise, browsing a bookstore is even with a hot fudge sundae by a swimming pool. I get ridiculously excited every time I see a bookstore in China, and then realize that they probably have nothing I can read, and if they do it's usually some dumbed-down version that loses the beauty of the language.

If you're in a big enough city, though, you just might strike gold. To my sheer delight we found a bookstore in Hangzhou with real English books in them. When someone whose opinion I highly respect recommends a book to me, I'll definitely read it. So when we found The Brothers Karamazov for only 20 kuai I decided it was a good chance to add to my collection. You can't get a book for less than a penny a page very often.

I was really grateful I had it on our two overnight trains home. It's not what you'd call a light read, so it took me a little while to finish, and will definitely be one I read again. It's hard to keep track of all the characters at first, they seem to change so often. Probably the next time I read it I'll pick up on some things I missed the first time around. Although the story is rather dark, I really appreciated the psychological and philosophical nature of the book. It is expertly written and traslated. The book contains gems of insight into human nature. I think Dostoevsky over-emphasized some of the qualities of his characters (i.e. Alexei was rather perfect while Dmitri hardly had any redeeming qualities), but all in all he managed to capture several elements of human nature quite well.

I got the impression Dostoevsky viewed himself in each of the different characters, at different stages of his life. That could be just my own flawed opinion though. If you want to read a great novel that weaves discussions of the meaning of life and elements of humanity into the story, I highly recommend this book. It's not a mindless feel-good story though, so be prepared.

Awesomely, when I got back from Nanjing I called my sister and she mentioned she had just started reading Crime and Punishment, another masterpiece of Dostoevsky's. Neither of us have ever read one of his works before. I guess twins really do have some kind of mind connection :) I still can't feel it if you punch her though...

Favorite quote:
"For the mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. Without a concrete idea of what he is living for, man would refuse to live, would rather exterminate himself than remain on this earth..."

Bucket list and the tangents from there.

I asked my students to name five things they want to do before they die, not just because I get sadistic joy out of making them write in English, but also because I think it is vital to a person to have goals/dreams/passions. I want to teach them so much more than the English language. A person should not merely survive, but they should live. And with purpose. So I have lofty goals for the two hours a week in which I hold young minds riveted on my words. I dream of changing lives in that short time.

As I gave them the assignment I forced myself to write a list as well, so that I would hold myself to the same standard to which I held my pupils. Their answers were hilarious and nonsensical and unfortunately I think they missed the point entirely; but one of the things on my list is that I want to write a book, which I am quite sure no one but my sister will ever read. Just like this blog. Regardless of who will read it, I feel the need to write one. (Please note that I did not say "irregardless" which is NOT a word.)

Living in China provides me with almost unlimited material for a book, much more so than my boring life in the U.S. So with my mom's urging I have embarked on the difficult task of capturing my thoughts and making them intelligible to others. One of the many subjects I'd like to broach is just how much I have changed and learned during the short five months I've lived in another world. It's hard to even realize, much less explain to others, the many things that have made me different and more aware.

One of the seemingly obvious yet fundamentally important revelations has been the value of friendships. Possibly the subject has special significance for me because I've always had a best friend with me, everywhere I went and everything I did. Having a twin gives you a life-long frienship. When we decided to live on different continents, we were aware that it was going to be the hardest thing we'd ever done. So what other people do their whole lives, I did for the first time. I was alone.

All of the English-speakers I have for friends now, I met upon coming to China. (Even Zack and Elizabeth, though I knew who they were before we came, our friendship began on the plane.) I have wonderful friends who don't speak very much English, and we get along great. But there's an indefinable relaxation that comes from being able to speak the same language as someone, that boosts your friendship beyond the normal. So I said all of that in preparation for this statement:

I am deeply gateful for my friends.