Life hurts. That's all there is to it. It's not easy and it's not always fun. Of course, there are times when it has you dancing around to Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. Other times it leaves you standing in the rain, blue eyes crying with Willie Nelson. Part of its charm is its unpredictable nature.
The past few months have not been the sunshiny type. But I'm seeing some rays break through. I'm taking a Chinese proficiency test this Sunday, and my friend was over helping me study this morning, when we got to talking about the holidays. She asked if I was going to invite people over for Christmas, which has become a daily question lately. I don't really know how to explain how difficult the holidays are going to be for me this year. They suck. I wish they weren't happening. No I'm not inviting my friends over, because I don't want to see anyone. I'm probably going to be in my room with the door shut, and if I'm not then I'm going to be a groucho extraordinaire. Which I don't really want to subject my friends to. Rather than looking at me as if I have some kind of disease when I told her I didn't really want to throw a party that day, she was remarkably understanding. See, her brother died suddenly a few years ago and she said that the first Spring Festival without him was awful. She hated it. She said it took her a year and a half to be able to talk about him without crying. At least I know I'm normal. It was really nice to talk to her and realize that I'm not crazy. That it would be weird if I didn't feel like that. A lot of my friends around here react to crying with the following encouragement, "Don't be sad. Tomorrow is another day. You can do it!" Which usually produces the opposite reaction from what they intended, by inspiring in me a sudden urge to punch someone.
So the point of all this rambling is, I'm really grateful for my friends. I have the best ones. And I'd like to thank our Father for blessing me with the right people at the right time. He knows I need them. The end.
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2 comments:
I know you'll pull through. I've had my share of suffering these past few years, too.
Time alone doesn't heal like magic, but time allows love to transform. Even when you can't see it or "feel" it, a carpenter is there. When your life feels hollow and wooden, He will craft something wonderful. He alone knows your suffering.
I... don't intend to comment on your doings often. I seldom read them. But I want to give you encouragement. I hope you are OK with that.
Be well.
Dear Katie, my heart breaks because your heart is breaking. You are very normal, if there is any normal in grieving. Each of us does it our own way. My prayers will be with you as you go through this very difficult time. It may not be easy, just remember God is walking beside you and will continue to walk with you through every step of your grieving process. Sending hugs from OKC!
SuAnne
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