I repent

I repent

I repent of my pursuit of America's dream

I repent

I repent of living like I deserve anything

of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife

in our suburb where we're safe and white

I am wrong and of these things I repent

I repent

I repent of parading my liberty

I repent
I repent of paying for what I get for free

and for the way I believe that I am living right

by trading sins for others that are easier to hide

I am wrong and of these things I repent

I repent judging by a law that even I can't keep

of wearing righteousness like a disguise

to see through the planks in my own eyes

I repent

I repent of trading truth for false unity

I repent

I repent of confusing peace and idolatry

by caring more of what they think

than what I know of what we need

by domesticating you until you look just like me

I am wrong and of these things I repent

The Secret of Life

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.
- Anne Frank

4

Answer me when I call to you,
O God who declares me innocent.
Free me from my troubles.
Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

How long will you people ruin my reputation?
How long will you make groundless accusations?
How long will you continue your lies?
You can be sure of this:
The LORD set apart the godly for himself.
The LORD will answer when I call to him.

I'm Not Going to Japan

I feel kinda lost and confused right now and I don't like it at all.

Fear

"Don't be afraid of failure, be afraid of succeeding at something that doesn't really matter."

I have always had trouble with the command to "fear" God. I never understood why God would want us to fear him, if he is good. But then I started thinking about how there were times I would have disobeyed my parents if I had not feared the consequences. I was scared to death of what would happen if I disobeyed them sometimes. I don't think God wants us to walk around scared out of our minds of him, but if we fear the reactions of people more than we fear the reaction of our God, we will not be serving him at all. Lambda's theme verse is Galatians 1:10 "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." and I've come to a new appreciation of that verse. Our goal should be to please him, not to please the people around us. I'm confessing that I struggle with this a lot. I can't stand conflict, and I can't stand it when people don't like me so I do everything I can to gain their approval. This got Saul in trouble in 1 Samuel too, "Yes, I have sinned. I have disobeyed your instructions and the LORD's command, for I was afraid of the people and did what they demanded." It has gotten me into trouble too. So as of today I resolve to try a lot harder to please God and not people.

Jesus is Lord

the more one respects Jesus, the more one must be brokenhearted, embarrassed, furious, or some combination thereof when one considers what we Christians have done with Jesus. That's certainly true when it comes to calling Jesus Lord, something we Christians do a lot, often without the foggiest idea of what we mean. Has he become (I shudder to ask this) less our Lord and more our Mascot?

Lord means "master" (the very opposite of mascot), and there are at least three senses of the word master that apply to Jesus. First, Lord suggests authority and kingship. Now whenever we use words like king, kingdom, kingship, or reign, we run into problems similar to those when using son and father. In addition to dominance and masculinity issues, we face the problem that for contemporary people these words all feel archaic--quaintly archaic or barbarously archaic. Associating monarchy with nondemocratic and corrupt regimes (because "absolute power corrupts absolutely," we've seen again and again) or with symbolic monarchies without much real power, it's so hard, perhaps impossible, for us to have a feel for the word king even remotely similar to what people would have felt in Bible times.

--Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy

This book is seriously amazing, so if any of you are bored and looking for someone to challenge you, go get it. But that part really stood out to me because when I was 14 I stood up in front of the church and told everybody that I wanted to make Jesus the Lord of my life, and I don't think I had any idea what I was saying. I still struggle with trying to dethrone myself as Lord over my life, but at least now I think I have at least a tiny grasp on that idea. Back then I really do think that I wanted Jesus to be my mascot, more than my Lord. Thankfully he had other ideas. I hope I will continue to let him be my ruler, and stop trying to take over.

Crossing the Jordan

This morning I read from Joshua about where the Israelites crossed the Jordan river and then my iTunes on shuffle started playing Chris Seidman's keynote from NCYM two years ago and he started talking about the same story. He brought up a good point. After the crossing of the Red Sea in Exodus, who would talk about the Jordan river parting? "That's like me talking about how God healed me of my sinus infection to someone who has been healed from cancer." The difference lies in the fact that the Jordan river happened to a new generation. When we experience God's movement in our lives, instead of reading about it in someone else's life all the sudden we want to tell everyone. The river didn't part until they got their feet wet. Faith takes you getting your feet wet. Understanding comes from reading and then doing, not reading and studying.

“I’m tired of reading about other people’s experiences with God, I want to have one.”
-Randy Harris